Time is slippery

“I don’t have time”. It’s been said so often, with anguish, with frustration, with hopelessness. We have grand notions of getting together, of vacations, of hobbies, of whatever, and sometimes, that’s all they all. Grand notions. Life gets in the way. Careers, day to day drivel that we do almost on autopilot, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. And then we wonder where time has gone. “It feels like yesterday” is a common phrase we say to ourselves, to each other. And it does. It feels like yesterday I took my oldest to preschool with her backpack that was way too big for her, almost touching the back of her knees. And now we are preparing for her to drive. It feels like yesterday that my second daughter fell off of her bike and broke her jaw and scored stitches in her chin. And now, she is a teenager who feels all of the feels around her with her whole heart. 

We can’t stop time from slipping through our fingers, try as we may.  It slips and slides faster than our brains can ever comprehend, we blink, and suddenly, it’s gone. In the midst of the toddler ages we question if that phase will ever end. If it will get better, easier. Suddenly the kids reach high school, and we wonder what happened to time.  Where on earth did it go?

Yes, time can be a cruel thing. We think we have so much of it, but at the same time we complain that we don’t have enough. So which is it? Too much or little? Maybe it’s not a matter of how much, but a matter of how it’s spent. And with who. And what we chose to do with the time we have. 

About three weeks ago I spoke to my uncle who was facing a tough road with illness. We made plans. We were going to get together after my trip. Two days prior to coming home, he passed away. It didn’t matter that we made plans. Because time, like I said before, time can be cruel. Death fills you with a sense of urgency, all the things you say you want to do,  the people you want to visit, the hobbies you keep putting off because you don’t have time for them…if not now, when? 

My head hurts from the off and on crying I’ve done today for my uncles funeral. I just want to shake people and say don’t wait to do the things you want to do. Don’t wait to get together with those you want to surround yourself with. Because sooner than later, your response will be, that you thought you had more time. We don’t. We have what we have, no more, no less. But life gets in the way. The mundane day to day takes priority over what we really want. And I wish I knew how to fix that.