Up Down Left Right

Lame title for a post…I know. But it is that way because I have a feeling I am going to be all over the place with this one. This has been, and continues to be a busy month. But first things first. Today (actually yesterday. I started typing this last night) is my baby’s birthday. Although not so much a baby anymore….she’s 17. I now have a 17 year old and an 18 year old and I don’t know exactly how that happened. Time has just slipped away from me and it hardly seems fair.

She was about a month old in this picture and it remains one of my favorites. Both of us with out little peach fuzz hair. I missed so much of the first year of her life and would give about anything to get it back, minus my cancer. Just a moment to breathe in that baby scent, to watch her suck her thumb and listen to the noises babies make. I’m beyond thankful for all of those who helped us out when we were fighting for me to survive, but I certainly missed a lot. Watching her grown into the beautful, caring young lady she is now has been an honor. Things were never dull with Nadia around.

She was always a funny kid, but as she grew, her humor did too. I know she is not a huge fan of the sound of her laugh, but to me, it’s everything. Can you hear it in this picture?

Her giggle remains the same as when she was little and I love it. She has been an easy kid to parent, actually likes spending time with me, and I hope this never changes. So to my dear daughter Nadia….I hope the world is ready for you and your brain. You will move mountains, and I can’t wait to see it happen.

On To Another Topic

Here comes this mix mash of things. Try to keep up with my thoughts as I look around inside my head as to what all is going on up there…..My doctor is wanting me to change medications for my sarcoidosis as she thinks that is what is causing my liver numbers to rise. Insurance however, is not in agreement with what medicine I should have and has denied the request from the doctor. She is currently sending an appeal to insurance. We’ll see what happens with that issue.

Work is still going well. I am forming some awesome friendships and really enjoy what I am doing. There can be a language barrier with the housekeepers and us supervisors. We have people who speak Vietnames, Bosnian, and Somalia with little to no English. I do my best to communicate with them and sometimes that involves acting things out. If I am lucky there will be another staff member nearby who can translate. But one way or another I get my point across to them and I don’t know for sure, but I think they appreciate my efforts. One of the ladies a few weeks ago, who has limited English under her belt,was leaving for the day and came up to me hugged me and said “I love you”, It was the sweetest gesture I’ve ever had. I’m so incredibly fortunate to have landed where I have. I really like working in hospitality. I love talking with the guests and getting to know them. A lot of them are repeat guests who come into town to go to Mayo. There is no better feeling than being able to walk away from an exchange knwoing that what you did has helped a person. Most of the time it’s not a big thing I do to help someone, but sometimes the smallest gestures are the ones that remain with people for a while. Anyway….no regrets on the decision I made. Not a single one.

So Nadia and I are spending the weekend together for her birthday. We are in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. We came here last year (Claire was with for that trip) and loved it so we are back again. I had ordered flowers ahead of tme to be put in our room for her bithday. They are beautiful.

I know I will enjoy my time here with her. To top it off, it will be my last hurrah for a little. Monday I am back to the OR for a duplicate surgery I had last year. I won’t go into too many details as sometimes less is better. I’m hoping to be back to work in two weeks, but we’ll see. I’ll have to judge how things are going. It got me thinking about how many times I have found myself in the OR room and it was literally hard to count. In my lifetime, this will be number 20. It always amazes me to meet someone who has never had surgery. And likewise I’m sure if they knew how many I have had they would think same. And actually, as I type this I have had to change my number because into my brain would pop another surgery that I forgot about. Imagine that. Having so many that you forget some here or there. The last one I just remembered was one you would think I wouldn’t foget. It was back in the day when my original oncologist believed my cancer had returned and wanted me to start chemo again. We went to Mayo for a second opinion and they did a biopy which involved going through an incision in my throat and threading whatever they used to obtain it, down into the lymph nodes between my lungs. Of course the result came back negative for metestatic breast cancer, but it did start my journey with lifelong Sarcoidosis. That was a horribly scary time in our lives. We couldn’t get into Mayo for about three weeks and for those three weeks we were trying to wrap our brains around the news my old oncologist gave us. 2-5 years if the chemo worked, 6 months to a year if it didn’t. I spent quite a bit of time on the phone making sure my life insurance policy was good to go. I spent more time looking at my newborn wondering if I would live to see her start kindergarten, I spent time talking to Dion about how he could remarry, just no one who was high maintenance please. I didn’t want that as a role mode for the girls. I could go on and on and on about this three week time frame, the emotions, the conversations, etc, but to be honest, it’s too painful.

As this is getting long and really has a horrible flow, I think it’s time to wrap it up. It’s about 8am and time to get moving in the city of Sious Falls. Now, just to motivate myself and my sidekick to get out of bed….wish me luck.

Author: britehope

I’m just a soul going through life trying to figure things out.

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