Like Sands Through the Hourglass

So are the days of our lives. You never believe it when someone tells you it goes by fast. Especially when you’re endlessly cleaning up toys, or fighting a toddler to get dressed, or gasping in horror at a self inflicted haircut. In the moment you wonder if you’ll survive, if you’ll ever have time to yourself or watch a TV show that doesn’t revolve around finding a map or gown ass adult men singing about hot potatoes. But you will. You do. And somehow those days, those long days, become part of the fabric of your life that you miss. It goes by so fast.

I miss the random hugs. Instead now it’s the hug goodbye, which hits me as much as the random ones but they’re not…random. I miss the “mommy and me” days. I’m lucky to have teens who still want to do things with me, but it’s not as often as other things have filled their lives. As hard as it was to read the same books over at bedtime, I miss the snuggling that came with it. It goes by so fast.

There were many tears at the table, watching her struggle with math. I left that area up to her dad as he was way better at explaining things to her and guiding her on how to solve the problems. She struggled, but worked hard. And now here we are, the last week of high school for her. It goes by so fast.

Teaching her how to drive, lord help me was a constant thought I had. 16 and knowing everything there possibly is to know about driving…lord help me. When the first Incredibles movie came out, her dad took her to the theater. Her first movie. He brought little bags of snacks for her and she sat on his lap and watched the whole movie. She was about 2 years old. When the second Incredibles movie came out, she drove us to the theater. Life is something to behold. But the first drive in snow I’m sure is when the grey hair started to pop. The intense worry. Intense is probably not a strong enough word. Did we teach her well enough? Will other drivers understand it’s her first winter? My god will she counter steer if she fish tails?!? We survived the first winter, and hope it continues for years to come. But my lord, it goes by so fast.

There were a few moments in the 15-16 year old age range where the thought “am I going to survive” turned into is SHE going to survive. Butting of heads, differences of opinions, and sarcastic tones, and attitudes. Oh the attitude. I’m not ashamed to admit that I looked into boarding schools and got info from some. I was afraid I was way out of my league in parenting, at my wits end on how to deal with this hormone filled person in front of me that I did not recognize anymore. But slowly, with lots of discussions and hard work, we made our way through that phase, each of us doing the best we could. Even in those trying times, when I thought it would go on forever, it truly did go by fast.

And now, as I sit and reflect on the past, the future has crept in almost right under my nose, and there are new fears. It’s no longer centered around toddler, grade school, middle school and high school worries. Now it’s hoping that we planted enough seeds and that a few of them grow. It’s hoping we’ve shown her mistakes we’ve made and how she can avoid them, knowing full well she’ll make her own mistakes as she travels the road of after high school. It’s hoping that she believes in herself even half as much as we do. It’s hoping that wherever she ends up that she’s happy and healthy. Because in the end, that’s what we all want for our kids, isn’t it? But my gosh… went by too fast.

Author: britehope

I’m just a soul going through life trying to figure things out.

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